I’ve looked at romantic love from a Jungian perspective for the last 40 years and it has proven to fit relatively well. Love is in fact selfish in that we see in the other something of ourself we can’t bring forth. This is, of course, a distortion of the other person. That proceed to refuse our image in various ways. That can piss us off. But if we start living this process with a modicum of consciousness, we give each other a tremendous gift; relationships become the biggest engine of growth and deepening awareness. That awareness itself can be the seat of real love and compassion.